Is there a best way to live? Do we have a free will?
“No artist tolerates reality” Nietzsche said. My great desire too is to be released from the struggle of life. I feel like a stranger in the world. A foreigner in my country. Alive in a world I don’t live in. I’m sensitive to the point of fragile. I feel things more than others. In such a dead world, I prefer to dream. In solitude I can hear myself think. Alone, but not lonely. In a silent void, an empty nothingness where nothing actually exists, therefore everything can exist. An independent state of my own. A world of my own.
What makes life so complicated? People.
I am extremely reclusive. Not approachable. Surreal. Mysterious. Invisible. A lone wolf. Notoriously hard to find. A ghost. I’m no where. I don’t like people. I want to be left alone. Eccentric. Free.
Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated. What could be more noble than forsaking society and vanity for one’s art? Creativity needs freedom and solitude increases freedom. This is a good reason: journeys of uncovering outstanding vision, truth and beauty.
The Nobel laureate in literature, Kazuo Ishiguro, wrote about his seclusion as an attempt to “reach a mental state in which my fictional world was more real to me than the actual one“. Reclusion is a state of mind, a choice. I do things differently. I refuse to play the normal game. My private life is devoted to pleasures found in nature, art, peace, self-reflection and learning.
Keep your reality away from me
I choose not to parttake in society on normal terms. I have a sceptical attitude towards the art world, and the world in general. There is something terrible about reality. I’m exhausted with this world. It is better to be alone than in bad company. I don’t want any contact with society. I don’t want messages; no phone, no e-mail, no social media, and no traditional mail. I don’t read newspapers or watch tv. I read only what I desire or what I’m researching. The constraints of others have no effects on me.
I rarely go outside my home and garden. I am an expert at planning things, so when I do go out, I do everything at once, and I stockpile food for months. This means that I seldom have to go out. My home is designed for total privacy. Neighbours have no idea whether I’m at home or not, or even if I live for that matter. My newest neighbour moved into their house about 12 years ago, I have not met him a single time yet.
It’s a challenge to make an in-depth analysis or clear statement about the reasons behind my seclusion, but here are a few key points:
1. Illness | link to my post about illness
I’m suffering from partial disability and serious chronic illnesses. My physical mobility is limited. My immune system is suppressed with immunosuppressive drugs.
I have to self-isolate in order to survive. Diseases that are largely harmless to most people can be deadly for me. I especially dislike the winter seasons, much like a bear I hibernate throughout the cold weather.
2. Victim of narcissistic abuse | link to my post about narcissism
My wife is a victim of narcissistic abuse. There is no limit to what a narcissist does in order to keep abusing, controlling and punishing you. They destroy your life, your economy and your relationships. They violate and damage you mentally, physically, financially and reputationally. The only way to survive is to go “No contact”.
3. I grew up in Solitude
I grew up on a small island. Without people. Alone. I like to be alone.
4. I’m an Introvert
Social interactions drain me.
5. I’m an Anarchist
I am an enemy of the state, against capitalism and consumerism. To withdraw might be a form of civil disobedience, regardless how modest or arrogant.
6. I’m an Artist
As an artist I want complete freedom. No rules. No limits. No compromises.
7. I’m a Philosopher
I want to read, think and reflect; in peace and quiet.
8. Racism and discrimination in Finnish society
Finland is a nationalistic and racist country. I have very dark skin and hair. I speak Swedish. I have repeatedly been a victim of racist bullying. When Finns are drunk they attack me. I have met a few kind and compassionate Finns, but many Finns are closeminded, racist hypocrites. The police is a racist organisation, institutionally racist.